What about ME?

I posted yesterday about how the job has been going. So far, good. But starting this job has made me realize something about myself that I've tried to ignore or put aside as something that is just part of my character and will always be that way. However, this week, it's really started to annoy me. I know it's my fault (well, at least I think I do) but I don't really know how to change it.

I am a very shy person. Not only am I shy, but I'm also very paranoid about saying or doing the wrong thing around people that I don't know. Being a military brat, this has always been a problem I've had to overcome. I can't make friends or get to know people if I don't talk. (often my shyness came across as bitchy...I can't help it. I am uncomfortable around people I don't know) Over the years I've built up a defense for this: I've learned that I must engage people in conversation in order to get to know them. (duh) But this defense strategy has somehow escalated into a problem in some social circles. Because my way to engage people in conversation is usually to ask lots of questions. It usually starts with the norm like "where did you go to school? How many kids do you have? blah, blah, blah"

These questions are usually a great way to get to know someone and to show that you are interested in them and what kind of person they are. I've gained so much insight about people by doing this. They usually say after getting to know me that I'm such a good listener. But the truth is, it's kind of starting to piss me off that I'm like this.

Case in point: I now work with four women. They range in age from 38-60 something. I am the youngest. In order to get to know them better I started my usual banter of questions. I can now tell you everything about them. I know how many kids they have, their ages, their names. I can tell you how many times they have been married/divorced. Their religious and political beliefs. What kinds of foods they like. What they do on the weekends. What they had for dinner the night before. Where they want to vacation. What kind of car they drive. Where they went to college and even high school. What they want for their future....blah, blah, blah. You get the point. I now know SO much about these women.

But they know nothing about me. You would think that during these conversations they would reiterate with their own questions and try to get to know me as well. But that's not what has happened. They don't ask me anything. They know nothing about my husband, about me, about my life. They don't ask me ANYTHING. They just know my name, and know that they can't pronounce my last name. (one of the teacher's has been trying to get the kids to call me Miss Brandy but I think kids should learn respect for adults and call me by my last name. We finally wrote my last name phonetically on a sentence strip to put on the wall so she would at least try to get it right. It's sad that the 3 and 4 year olds can say it but she can't. Whatever)

Anyway, this week has made me realize, that aside from 3 or 4 really close friends that I have, no one ever gets to know me. Why do I make it a point to get to know people, but it's never reciprocated? I obviously don't expect people to pry and know every detail of my life. But why is it that I never get the chance to talk about myself? I know it has a lot to do with my personality, and the defense system I've built up around myself. Is it a character flaw though?

This goes even deeper though. I have two best friends that I've known since high school. They are the type that I can go months or years without talking to but we pick up where we left off. The problem is: when they call, the entire conversation is one sided. I listen patiently and offer advice as they ramble on about their love lives, job ventures, money issues, etc. An hour will go by and they realize they have to go, and then they might ask "Oh yeah, how are you doing?" At that time it's pointless to try to get in anything about my life because we're both ready to get off the phone. Why do I do that to myself? Why don't I interject with what's going on with me? Instead I listen, and listen, and listen to them go on about their lives. I love being there for them and knowing what's going on. Sometimes I just wish they would ask about me. (one of these friends didn't know my hubby was deployed until about half way through the deployment because every time I talked to her the conversation was completely one sided. But I didn't have it in me to interrupt and say, "I don't care about the cute guy you now work with! Don't you want to know that I've been missing my husband for SIX months?!" UGH!!)

Are my friendships completely one sided? Why do I do this to myself?

I only have two friends in my life (ironically Marine wives) that take the time to ask questions of me and know how I'm doing. I'm grateful for them. I'm grateful that they actually care and want to know what's going on with my life. They get me.

But why is it that the rest of the people that I encounter in my life could give two shits about me? Is it my fault because I bombard them with questions and try to engage them in conversation? What am I doing wrong?