Noneya.

I recently posted about my friend Slush's new baby on our "family friendly" blog and "anonymous" left the question that I hate to hear: "When are you going to have kids?"

I hate this question for many reasons. A) I think that the decision of when to have children is a huge one, and frankly, only our business. I know people mean well when they ask this question, but if you really think about what you're asking, it's a very personal question. The status of my uterus is no one's business but my own. (well, I guess Gorilla gets a little bit of an input, but it's my body, my uterus, my business) If and when we decide to have kids, I'm not going to announce it to the world. I feel like I'd be jinxing myself. I've always had an eerie feeling that I'll have trouble having children. I hope this isn't the case. But I'm not going to make an agenda or calendar for my uterus to display for the world. When we do start trying and if we face an obstacle, how could I handle knowing that everyone was expecting something that I couldn't deliver?

B) Why do people automatically assume that because we've been married for more than 3 years that it's way past time for us to start reproducing? Just because my best friends have babies and lots of people our age have children does not mean that we need to follow the same timeline. We have our own idea of when it will be best for us to start trying. I have nothing but admiration for mothers, but I am not ready to be one. I'm too selfish right now. I want to travel more, drink more, spend more, live more before I have children. This is not to say that I can't do these things when I have kids, but I personally want to be able to do all this when I'm young enough and won't feel guilty for putting me first. When I have children, I'm going to devote my world to them. Right now my world revolves around me and Gorilla. When I'm ready to give my world to a child, I will know when it's the right time.

C) I grew up as a military brat. My husband was a military brat. We are both so grateful for the life we lived. However, seeing as Gorilla is still uncertain as to what his future career choices may be, I don't think it's fair to us or a future child to throw them in the uncertain mix of our lives. If he decides to go career, then I know that any child would be lucky to live that life. However, if we decide to pursue something else, we need to establish ourselves in a new location with new careers. I can handle being poor and living on ramen and easy-mac again. If we have to make sacrifices like that in transition time, I'm okay with us doing that. However, I'm uneasy about the prospect of doing that with child. If we had children now, I know that it would make Gorilla feel that he had to stay in. I would love it if he was a career Marine, but I would only love it if it was what he really wanted to do, not felt that he had to.

D) I'm still sad about the prospect of having children and not being around family. I know it's done all the time but I don't know if I'm ready to do that to our future children. I grew up not knowing my extended family. I still don't know them well. We were always too far away to get to know each other. I know who my aunts, uncles, and cousins are, but I don't know them. It makes me sad. My family is Gorilla, and my parents. That's it. I don't get cards or phone calls from anyone else. Luckily, Gorilla has an awesome, close-knit family that has now become my family. That's part of the reason that I'm so sad about not having my own. I see how close they are and how wonderful it is to have that support. I don't know if I'm ready to do it on our own.

Gorilla and I love chidren. Every time we see a baby, touch a baby, play with a baby- we look at each other and know that the other is thinking, "I can't wait to have one of these!" If and when we do have children, I will notify the people who need to know. Unti then, I hope I don't get that damn question anymore. (That includes my mom! She's the worst of the bunch!)